Envy is born from comparison to another’s superior achievements, possessions or skills. It certainly has a bad reputation, which is well-deserved. Envy can be destructive. It can create feelings of shame and frustration and push us to complain, gossip and sabotage
Comparing ourselves to those we perceive as better, is easy to do when you have you have Lipoedema . Under these circumstances, we can tell ourselves how we should be. We should have lovely legs, we should be thin. This can start to make you feel inferior. Naturally we are driven to get rid of these painful feelings and these feelings we can handle positively and can make us change for the better.
Research suggests that perceiving the target of our envy as deserving of their success and perceiving ourselves as having some control over our success makes all the difference. We have no sense of injustice or resentment with benign envy. When we experience benign envy, we are motivated toward positive change. In fact, it seems that the frustration resulting from our comparison is the driving force behind this motivation.
With benign envy, we are inspired. We tell ourselves, “That could be me.” When we can identify what we need to do to improve and feel empowered to make that improvement, we are more likely to work hard to achieve it.
Try these useful steps:
1. Compliment. As research suggests, complementing the target of your comparison is beneficial to you. Discover what you like about this person. Compliment their hard work. You may feel more inspired to make a change for yourself when you view the other person as deserving and in control of what they have.
2. Focus on concrete steps. Perceived control over your situation goes a long way toward motivation. Identify the steps that will take you from watcher to doer. If whatever it is you want seems like it is too far out of your reach, break it down further. Like steering a ship, it is the small adjustments that help you reach your destination.
3. Know when to stop. While there is nothing wrong with achieving your goals, constant comparison to others can take its toll on you. If you find yourself consumed with perfectionism or malicious envy, take a step back from the situation. Appreciate what you have. Acknowledge your skills. Reassess whether your comparison and expectations are realistic.
Written by kazzzyb_talk_chick